Playing the game “Who's to blame?”

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         15 Jul 2019 20:38
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I will not play anymore, I’m leaving.
How many times, when you were a child did you say or hear this sentence? I was a cranky girl and often when I was playing with the others, at the first squabble, if they did not agree with me, I walked away. I was also a girl who loved being well-liked and when I faced someone cranky and too determinate immediately I agreed with him so the situation could cool off.

Growing and studying I discovered that everyone has his convictions, they have had different life experiences and see his reality as the only one possible. Every one, the experts told us, have got a different mental map, a model of the world that believes to be the best for him/her. This interpretation of reality is gave thanks to different elements, different in everyone life, even if we are part of the same family, like wife and husband.
Each of us is unique and our uniqueness can not be taken as absolute, so the interpretation of the facts that happen in the reality is relative. Everyone meet in their life persons with almost the same mental map, with whom they can share their values and the rules that are under those values; just like people with a different view of the world, far from ours, from whom we can be very attracted , even it is more difficult to create a bond. When we choose the one, with whom we want to share our life, our choice can be assisted by falling in love, period of time when we appreciate everything of our patner.
After this period it is like we take off our glasses and in front of us we find a different person, even if he/she is the same as before. A person with his/her mental map. the love we feel for that person and the will of building with her/him a life project are the basis from which we move to travel together.

The question is: do you prefer to be right or to build a valued relationship? Do you prefer that people do as you wish, even if it means to have at your side a sad or angry person? Isn’t it better to find a new point of view which allows to put together the needs of both? Sharing your needs and ideas to go forward a shared project is more interesting than winning at any cost. To do so, it is necessary to accept that the other has his/her model of word different from yours. Accepting means recognizing the dignity of his/her thoughts and actions, just like you do for yours and communicating to find a common point of view. It is an exercise that do not just apply for couples, but for them it can be a critical element. In some cases just taking care of the needs of the other is enough. Sharing means go over your ego and build a neutral space where both of your and her/his needs have value. During your daily routine the mechanisms and the mental schemes are more difficult to modify. So, how to do something new? Going in a different place is a good idea.


The holiday with SilentAlps built only for your couple is the best choice you can make. The activities dedicated to you, the silence, the nature and the closeness of different things to do, will make you change the way you communicate to give birth to a marvelous butterfly from the union of two cocoons.



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